Damp Dollar Bills

Remember when we were kids? We put a dollar bill in our shoes between sole and sock. Sometimes we had so many bills that it created a limp in our walk. Anyway, the lunch lady, 7-11 store clerk, or some other unsuspecting soul would get that wet, damp dollar bill in exchange for a candy bar or a slice of pizza. No sanitizer back then either. They just toughed it out.

The Worst Best Dream

Have you ever had a dream you won a million dollars, but then you woke up? So disappointing.

Text Messages

Have you ever gotten a text message that didn’t sound right? You know. You weren’t sure if it was meant for you or someone else? I’m talking about like if you’re 16 years old and the text says, “c u @shuffleboard match” or sometime like that. Those kinds of texts, right? Your grandma hit the wrong button on the phone kinda thing.

Water Balloon Launchers

I remember one time in high school when some friends of mine had a water balloon launcher.

Now a water balloon launcher is like a big rubber band or sling shot. What you do is you get three guys together. Two of them are holding each end of this big long rubber band and guy number three holds onto the center where a piece of cloth holds the water balloon in the center. He pulls back 3, 4, maybe 5 feet while the other guys are holding onto the ends. Next he puts in the balloon and lets it rip and fly away. And these things go far. We’re not talking little distances you might see one of those rubber band airplanes go or something like that. I’m talking about at least a 100 yard line drive or maybe 3 or 4 stories high if you choose to shoot it at an upward angle.

So my friends, like I said, had a water balloon launcher in the parking lot of our high school. The auditorium is about 50 yards from the parking lot and they decide to pull this thing out and aim for the auditorium. The thing is they don’t have water balloons. Where are you just gonna come up with water balloons in a high school parking lot. They get this idea to use some of the ornamental oranges from the trees next to the parking lot. So here they are and they start launching oranges at the statue of our mascot (which I’ll leave unnamed) which sat on top of the overhang in front of the auditorium. They must have pelted the mascot statue and the auditorium facade a dozen or two dozen times. Orange vandalism all over the place.

The thing I wanna know is, where was security. Those guys could snatch a kids cap off the top of his head while indoors, but they couldn’t catch my friends vandalizing the high school auditorium with oranges. Those guys, by the way, are some of the smartest and nicest people I know. I wish that was the only sort of vandalism we dealt with in the world.