Crossing Random Stories: August 2010

Ambush.

I never knew my after-work evening would turn into an ambush, reverse-ambush, double-reverse-ambush, with a dispatch of police to cap it off. It all happened back in 2008. I pulled my little Toyota pickup truck into the driveway of my home and found my roommates Troy and David filling up water-cannons with three girls decked out in facial war-paint, ready to ambush our friends Peanut Butter and Jelly. Yes, their names were Peanut Butter and Jelly. At least that was their nicknames. Their real names were Angel and Jesus, but everyone called them Peanut Butter and Jelly for nicknames. Real life. No joke.

Anyway, Sheila, Jo, and Brittany had finished filling their water-cannons while Troy and David were finishing up their last preparations with cups and buckets of water.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’re gonna ambush Peanut Butter and Jelly,” David said. “Wanna come?”

“Oh, wow,” I smiled. “This looks great. But, isn’t this a little strange? A bunch of 20-somethings are gonna ambush two teenagers with water cannons?”

“Whatever. It’s Peanut Butter and Jelly. They deserve it,” David said. “Do you wanna come? You can drive us.”

“Okay. I’ll be the driver. You guys can jump in the back of my truck. This’ll be fun to see. A little strange, but I gotta see this.”

Reverse Ambush.

My roommates, the girls, and Peanut Butter and Jelly were all friends of mine from church, so that's how we all knew each other. We drove through the neighborhood to Peanut Butter and Jelly's parents' place. A 3-minute drive. Troy sat in the cab with me, while David, Jo, Sheila, and Brittany talked in the back.

“Troy, I’m still a little puzzled. What’s up with this? I’ve just never heard of a bunch of adults going to ambush two teenagers. What’s the deal?” I asked.

“We’re not. We’re going to ambush the girls instead. Peanut Butter and Jelly are in on it. They know we’re coming and they're ready to ambush the girls along with us. The girls don’t know,” Troy said.

“Wow. This is good. I’m liking it more and more,” I smiled.

I pulled into the apartment complex. It had a single driveway with apartment units on the left side. I stopped the truck. David and the girls stepped out of the back. Troy exited the passenger door. I left the truck running and watched.

Peanut Butter and Jelly came out. They each had one cup of water. No hose. No water cannons. Not much for a surprise attack, but it didn’t matter anyway. Troy and David had two water cannons and the element of surprise. They unleashed all they had on the girls, while PB & J did their best with one-cup a-piece. The girls paused for a couple moments, dumbfounded. Then, they retaliated as best they could. Their attempt was futile. Troy and David had gotten the best of them. A year later, Jo still agreed to marry David, despite this well-calculated reverse-ambush.

Double-Reverse Ambush.

I got out of the pick-up. Smiles. Laughter. A few curses. All good. This could have ended an already great evening, but the best was yet-to-come. I’m not sure who instigated the next parade, but before I knew it we’d decided to ambush our friends Pete and Lori, a young married couple with kids. They were friends of ours from church and probably the only married couple that we could think of who’d think that our next plan to ambush them with water was 'fun'.

The night was still young. Maybe 8pm or so. We drove over to the Walgreens around the corner and picked-up water balloons, took them back home to fill them, and replenished our water-cannons and buckets. My plan, I told the others, was to lure Pete and Lori out into the back yard under the guise of “Pete, I need to talk to you and Lori about something serious and want your advice.” This sort of thing. We knew his parents were in town visiting, so it would be easy to suggest that we sit outside in the back yard so I could talk to them “in-private” and away from the visiting parents. Once lured into the back yard, Troy, David, Jo, Sheila, Brittany, Peanut Butter, and Jelly would jump the cinder block wall and ambush them with the water-cannons and water balloons.

Little did my friends know that I had another plan.

Troy and I got into the cab of my pick-up. The others scrambled into the back. I started the 5 minute drive and called up Pete on my cell phone. He answered.

“Pete. This is Steven... We’re coming over to ambush you... I’m supposed to lure you out into the back yard to talk to you about something ‘serious’, so serious that I want to talk privately, not in front of your parents... But, I want to do a reverse-ambush... Do you want in? Do you have water-canons, water balloons, or at least could use the hose? You do? Okay good. The problem is going to be that we’ll be there in less than 5 minutes. Can you be ready?... Okay, good.... Oh, I see. Your parents can let me in through the front and into the back yard while you are getting ready.... That makes sense. See you soon.”

After my conversation with Pete on the phone, I realized Troy was sitting right next to me. He had heard everything. “Troy, are you in?” He didn’t say ‘no’ and laughed a little, so I took it for a ‘yes’.

Pete and Lori made their preparations in the back yard. I drove as slowly as I could to buy us some time and ‘pretended’ to miss the turn by accident. Then I drove an extra-couple blocks and dropped off my friends by the cinder-block wall on the back side of the house, which was located on a corner. Then I drove around the corner to the front of the house and switched off the ignition. Walked up to the front door. Pete’s mom was waiting for me.

“Hi, how are you?” I asked.

“Good. Come on through. They’re waiting for you in the back yard.” His mom said.

Cool mom.

I went to the back and saw Lori first.

“Are you guys ready? Where’s Pete?” I asked.

“He’s around the corner by the back house,” she said.

In the next moment, I saw some of my friends crawling over the cinder block wall on the back side, onto the lawn, and others unlatched the side-gate by the back porch, sporting water-cannons and a large bucket of water-balloons. They crept in quietly, but quickly.

That’s when the sprinkler system turned on.

Lori grabbed the garden hose, which had a pressure nozzle on it. She started hosing down those entering through the side-gate, while Pete heroically drenched all the others on the lawn with the sprinkler system.

I ran over to the bucket of water-balloons and grabbed as many as I could. With the element of surprise I still had a couple moments before they realized what was going on or that I’d set them up for another reverse-ambush. I unloaded waterballoon after waterballoon at point-blank range. It was glorious. After a few double-takes by my friends they returned fire and I got hit a few times by their water cannons. Still, nothing compared to how drenched they looked.

“Steven! What are you doing?!” A number of them yelled simultaneously. “What are you doing?” Everyone was shouting threats and smiles at the same time. I was in the dog-house, but they couldn’t help smiling at such a classic double-reverse ambush.

Police Dispatched.

Round Two over. Round Three next. I’m not sure who made the suggestion, but we all decided to drive to our friend Amy’s to ambush her. However, at this point, paranoia overtook me. I though for sure they were going to get back at me. Try to reverse ambush me during the 'supposed ambush' on Amy.

“They’ve got to be up to something,” I thought.

I started driving us over to Amy's house. Everyone was in the back, including Troy. I thought for sure they were conspiring. Even Troy. For a moment I thought about calling Amy to warn her. But, that was no good. If they caught me on the phone, they’d know what I was calling her. I thought about texting, but I wasn’t that good at texting, especially while driving. Besides, it was only a 5 minute drive to her place, and I knew they’d be watching me. Nothing I could really do. And, what were they up to anyway?

We pulled up to Amy’s house. She lived in the back house of a large property with a couple dogs in the back yard. My friends jumped out of the back. I, however, stayed in the driver’s seat.

“Whatcha doing?” David asked. “Aren’t you coming?”

“No. I’ll stay right here.”

“What’s up Steve? We’re gonna jump Amy. This’ll be the best one yet. We're gonna throw her in the pool,” he said.

“No. You go ahead. I’ll stay here." I stood resolute.

Still paranoid. I figured we’d all get into the back yard and then I’d get ambushed. Wasn't gonna do that. So, after they went into the backyard, I sat there for a few minutes, not sure what to do. After a few minutes, I decided to drive back home (5 minute drive), fill up a water cannon (3 minutes), and drive back (another 5 minutes). By the time they finished their job, I’d ambush them one more time from behind the bushes as they exited Amy’s front yard. After picking up my water cannon and filling it (ten minutes later), I got a call from Troy while I was driving.

“Steven, could you go up to Amy’s door at the back house and tell her it’s just us?” Troy said. He still didn't know I'd driven back to our house to get a water-cannon.

“What? Why don’t you do it yourself?” I asked.

"We're in the bushes and the police are here," Troy said. "Don't you see them? They're right on top of us."

“I’m not even here. I’m at Sonic,” I lied.

“The dog keeps barking and the police are here. We need someone to go up to Amy’s door and tell her it’s just us.” Troy said.

“Yeah, whatever Troy. I’ll see you soon," I said in disbelief.

I truly believed they were trying to lure me into a trap. It seemed so obvious.

But, here’s what really happened. After I left, Troy, David, Jo, Peanut Butter, and Jelly all piled in through the side-gate at the end of the carport, in the midst of the two dogs, on the way to the back-house. The dogs knew Jo and Brittany because they were Amy’s roommates, but they still kept on barking and wouldn’t stop. The whole group jumped into the bushes to hide and hoped the dogs would stop barking. Then, their plan was to knock on Amy’s door to the back house and ambush her with the water-cannons and buckets of water when they lured her out. They also planned to throw her into the pool in the back yard.

In the process of the dogs barking, Amy had looked outside and saw movement in the bushes. She called 911. Phoenix Police is almost instantaneous in many situations and a helicopter was on top of the house in a minute or two with squad cars to follow shortly thereafter. Troy’s call to me had occurred only moments before the helicopter arrived. Once that happened, he called Amy directly. They didn’t want to get ambushed by Phoenix PD on accident because of a little mischief. When Amy answered the phone and Troy told her what was going on, Amy was able to tell the police that the whole thing was turning out to be a prank, afterall. She met the police outside and straightened the whole thing out.

After the police left, I happened to decide to call Amy and ask her if the police were really there or not, because I suspected that our friends wanted me to come into the yard and that I'd be double-reverse-ambushed by them on me. Amy told me the police had really come and gone and that I could come back over.

I pulled up to the front yard with a full water cannon, a few minutes later. I still planned to commit a final double-reverse ambush even though they'd almost been arrested by Phoenix PD. Why not?

I snuck up to the gate and saw the others approaching the carport gate on the other side. Troy had a large bucket of water and ran through the gate charging towards me. I fired at him, but retreated instantly because the bucket was coming.

I had no time. He dumped the whole thing on me. A triple-reverse ambush. The night had ended.